Monday, December 20, 2010

Long Dark Songs for a Long Dark Night

Hymns To The Dead Goddess and Sisters Of Damnation Radio


Long Dark Songs for a Long Dark Night

Black/death/doom/crust extravaganza featuring the trans/cis women of extreme music! 

TWELVE hours of extremely "single" unfriendly extreme music, dedicated to the Winter Solstice! 

No song under five minutes, most over 10 minutes, with some seriously long epic songs! 


Midnight GMT December 22, 2010 / 4 PM Pacific December 21, 2010
Noon GMT December 22, 2010 / 4 AM Pacific December 22, 2010

Tune in at and enjoy the grim, dark coldness in the best, loudest possible way!

O+\m/+O O+\m/+O O+\m/+O 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Striped, Strapped & Seeing Red

Just got back from my hair appointment, where I had new red streaks added to my hair. These are fairly visible in all sorts of lighting conditions. YAY.

Also, I was rocking a pair of pyramid-stud boot chains. Because, y'know, I rock. :)

Saturday, November 06, 2010

The Conjugation Of Trans

I transgender. You transgender. He, she, it transgenders. They transgender. We transgender.

Hey, how's the transgendering of your car coming along? Yeah, my stepson says that all the cool kids will be transgendering soon. Have you transgendered your dog today?

Does this sound silly to you? If so, consider how silly you sound to me when you talk about "transgendered" people.

It's an adjective, folks--not a verb.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Guess What I'm Doing Thursday!

HInt #1:

Hint #2:

Hint #3:

Still don't know? Here, no more teasing....

<a href=" 1349 yakuza/postercorazon/TRIPTYKON.jpg?o=1" target="_blank"><img src=" " border="0"></a>

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Demon Blood

Note: This is a very dark and very personal post, and may be triggering for some readers. Please use your best discretion before reading.

I have no rational explanation for the paternal side of the family, to explain the darkness and brutality that we have faced for generations.

I call it "demon blood", because it seems like every last one of us is damned.

It cursed my paternal grandfather, who managed to kill my paternal grandmother with abuse and neglect, and who got away without answering to the law.

It cursed my sole paternal aunt, who I never knew, because of a certain "gun cleaning accident".

It cursed my oldest paternal uncle and his children, who tortured and abused me regularly.

It cursed my father, who ran away from home and joined the Navy, only to take on the guilt for his dead mother, as if there was anything he really could've done to save her. Frankly, he was half-way to being a casualty as well.

It cursed him to inflict violence on his own family--yes, milder than what his father did. He never struck my mother.

He did strike me, though, for standing up to him when he was yelling at her abusively.

He struck me for being bored in Left Field, in one of my vain attempts to appease him by feigning interest in sports.

He struck me for being late home from school.

He struck me for showing interest in the pornography he hoarded.

He struck me for playing with his razors--again, a vain attempt to appease him by feigning interest in the trappings of masculinity.

He struck me with a beer can, upside the head, for making some comment I can't even remember.

He struck me for telling a dirty joke that one of his friend's kids taught me.

And when he finally felt like he couldn't strike me anymore, the abuse kept on coming. Like calling me "faggot" when I scraped my knuckles bloody and complained of the pain. Like fashioning cat o' nine tails out of garden hose, as a threat.

Like terrorizing the fuck out of me when he discovered I liked to dress in a feminine fashion.

That demon blood was inherited in his children, too, although it seems to be turned almost entirely inward.

In my case, I can feel that demon blood surging every time I witness an outrage. And believe you me, there's ample outrages to be witnessed. And, quite frankly, I cause some of the outrages in question--and the demon blood is no more merciful to me than to anyone else.

I channel as much of that hellfire as I can into other venues, like black metal and BDSM, where it can be rendered relatively safe. But inevitably I find myself consumed by it.

It's a wonder I'm not dead by my own hand. To be honest, I have such a personal revulsion to suicide that I cannot imagine killing myself. I know full well that there are people in this world who, for some reason, care for me and therefore would be terribly hurt if I were to die. That doesn't stop the temptation.

This demon blood calls out for some sort of violence. I want to turn it towards justice, to keep it reined in and under my control, used for good, or at least kept from being used for evil. I've sought pills, therapy, religion--any means to keep the demon blood at bay. So far I have been somewhat successful. I've lived longer than my dead aunt, perhaps longer than my dead grandmother. But that's not to say that I have perfect faith that the demon blood will not prevail at the end.

If you think I worry too much about hurting my loved ones--you don't understand what I'm worrying about.

If you think I'm too good, too awesome, too whatever to allow my self-destruction--you don't understand what I am facing.

That demon blood HAUNTS me. And short of a miracle, it will until my last breath.

An Open Letter To The Philadelphia Daily News

To the editor, Philadelpha Daily News, and to the Internet in general:

Before I begin, I want to make clear that the Philadelphia Daily News is hardly exceptional in the way it treats trans folk. Nearly every news organization in the world does what you did. But that doesn't make it acceptable--it just means that you are all morally culpable.

What could I possibly be talking about? I'm talking about the way you reported the murder of Stacey Lee. Let me spell it out for you.

Citing the story, "Body of transsexual found in Point Breeze" ( the very first problem is in the headline. "Transsexual" is not a noun, but an adjective. And this is hardly grammar policing--it matters, in a big way. The media treats "transsexual" as if it is a separate category from "man" and "woman", and thus encourages people to think of us as something exotic, alien, and threatening. I presume "trans woman" would be far more accurate here, and would at least remind people that they're dealing with a person and not a thing.

Then you get right to the police report. Know this: Police everywhere are notorious for transphobic behavior. It should be no surprise that the police insist on recording a male name and gender for the victim, even though her neighbors knew her as a trans woman. When you help strip a trans woman of her identity like this, you murder her again. It's not enough that Ms. Lee was killed, apparently; you have to make sure her life is erased by emphasizing the misgendering done by the police. If you wish to show respect to trans folk, you must respect this fact and push against it. Her name was Stacy; that's how she lived, and that is how she should be remembered.

And then there's the matter of focusing on Ms. Lee's appearance. What does it matter if the victim is beautiful or not? Who cares if the victim gave some non-trans woman a "complex"? She's dead! A moral outrage has been committed, and you spend four paragraphs--eighty-one words!--focusing on her attractiveness instead of the tragedy. Why is that? To what end? More othering, more exotification? You may as well call her attractiveness as a threat justifying her murder, explicitly, rather than implying it by discussing it needlessly.

And you just had to use that quote at the end:

"Whatever she was - transvestite, man, woman - she didn't deserve to die like that," one man said.

More exotification--treating "transvestite" (as if Ms. Lee were one!) as something separate from "man" and "woman"? It doesn't matter that it's someone else's words, since you allowed them to be quoted.

But there's something far uglier. "She didn't deserve to die like that"? No, she didn't deserve to die, period! Whoever you quoted might have been counted among the mourners, but the choice of phrase reveals that this person doesn't really care if Stacey Lee lived or died, as long as it wasn't a gruesome death so close to home.

In conclusion, this is a pattern seen time and time again when trans murders are reported. API guidelines, which state that a trans person's identity and name should be used and honored, are thrown out the window; the focus is on the victim's attractiveness instead of the horror of the situation; and interview quotes are selected not to shed light on the person who died but to emphasize the otherness of the victim.

You can do far, far better. For shame.

Friday, October 01, 2010

Radio Show Premiere FTW

Tonight, at 9 PM Pacific time, is the premier of my radio show, Hymns
To The Dead Goddess, on Sisters Of Damnation Radio.

Hymns To The Dead Goddess focuses on the women (trans and cis) of the
extreme music underground. Death, black, doom, thrash, sludge, grind,
crust--if a woman's making the pit go insane with moshing, you'll hear

Episode One features the music of Derketa, Hekseri, Iskra, Damad,
Addaura, and more.

Visit to tune in! Podcast version
coming soon!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Friday, September 10, 2010

Mash-Up Master Mighty Mike

My friend Phineas Narco of the National Cynical Network
( turned me on to Mighty Mike through
the mashup, "Imagine A Jump":

But all of his other mashups are pretty awesome. Here's some of my favorites:

More at

Monday, September 06, 2010

The Labors of Our Fruits

And by fruits I mean ta-tas.

Sorry for the lack of bum shots. Looks like I may need a bit of help!

Friday, September 03, 2010

To Those Who Unfollowed Me On Twitter

...Know I don't hold any ill will against you for doing so. I am
feeling frustrated that the things I care about--the things I retweet
from others--gets a harsh reaction from others. But that doesn't
impact the esteem in which I hold those of you who have made clear
your willingness to be my friend. Life goes on.

Feel free to continue to follow me here--this will be as close to a
"Lilith Lite" as you can get. I may occasionally voice my outrage on
kyriarchical issues here, but the volume will certainly be lower than
it is on Twitter.


Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Smile Or Die; First Tragedy Then Farce

I've discovered the joys of the videos published on YouTube by the
Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and
Commerce, AKA The RSA. In their RSA Animate series, they take lectures
by RSA guests, and sketch out the ideas and concepts on a dry-erase
board using time-lapse photography to squeeze the sketching into the
space of the lecture, with appropriate pacing. It's a refreshing way
to supplement highly worthy ideas.

Two of my favorites so far have been from Barbara Eherenbach:

...And Slavoj Zizek:

You can view more videos at --
or read more about The RSA at

A hat tip to for first introducing
this series to me!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Mo' Metal More Bettal... Um, yeah.

This weekend I updated the Femmetal playlist at so those of you who like my postings of women
in metal bands have reason to rejoice.

But even more so, I now have a radio station on Songza for women in
metal! Check out for more.

I also have a black metal radio station on Songza--check out for the darker side of my musical

And of course, I continue to post a daily Black Metal Of The Day song
at -- or search Twitter for the #bmotd hashtag.

\m/ >.< \m/

Friday, August 27, 2010

Just Say No To Show

Show nuff, Show will mess you up.

Here is proof. Here also is a pic of the Show regulars getting into a camera duel with me, to subdue me. Alas, one camera was not enough. Also, a very nice tapestry of the KPFA building.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Devil's In The Details

Think I'm ready for Puzzling Evidence? I hope I am! Else there will be hell to pay.

I'm On The Air Tonight!

I'll be on the radio in about eight hours, joining my friend Puzzling
Evidence for what promises to be a most bizarre two hours. I have no
idea what to expect. Neither should you.

If you are in San Francisco, you can listen on KPFA 94.1 FM Berkeley,
from 3-5 AM.

If you're NOT in San Francisco, you can stream the show live from wait until one of the many MP3 archives of the show is

OR--call the show live at 510-848-4425 and join the twistedness!

More details about Puzzling Evidence here:

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

How Meta Can You Get?

Yes, I am posting a YouTube video. Literally. And of course, I must post this to....

Guess. Go on, I'll wait.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Evening Bay

I am in San Francisco for the week, on assignment. My, don't I have it hard.

Yeah, right.

Friday, August 06, 2010

Updating Tumblr, Blogger + AWESOME music video shot in 35mm

I've been enjoying Posterous as a blogging platform so much, I have finally decided to tie Tumblr and Blogger into Posterous. Now, no matter how you're stalking following me, you can see the exact same chaos and disarray that I bring to every corner of the Internet.  

Speaking of which:

This music video for the Sólstafir song, "She Destroys Again," was shot entirely using a 35mm SLR camera, with all effects manipulated manually. Digitalization was only used to organize the sequence of the shots. It's a very well done project, and clearly a labor of photographic love that I have been tempted to try--but only tempted. Oh, and I am really digging on Sólstafir. Great band. Do check them out!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Never Enough No-Bullshit Posts Department

You might have heard about the Facebook group, "Killing your hooker so you don't have to pay her."
The good news is, that group has been shut down.

The bad news is, searching Facebook for "kill hooker" or "kill prostitute" digs up plenty more groups where that one came from.

Some people think it's just a GTA reference. Some think it's funny, no matter what. And some apparently think that it's OK, because they were advocating death only for prostitutes.

So let me make this painfully clear:

I have friends who have been prostitutes.

I have lovers who have been prostitutes.

I know many women--trans women, lesbians, feminists, moms--who have been prostitutes.

As far as I know, I might have friends, lovers, or other acquaintances who are currently prostitutes--if so, I don't know because it's not my damn business, or because they're too ashamed of it to admit it. Nor does it matter.

The bottom line for me is, if you hate prostitutes, or act like they are beneath you, or think that prostitutes deserve whatever fate they get, or if you just happen to think killing prostitutes is funny--then in my mind, you hate me. Because there's certainly been enough desperate times when I've considered sex work. Which means, whether you intended it or not, you've made me a potential target.

If you're one of these people, do me a favor and disassociate yourself from me, completely, on every social network you know me on. I would rather be friendless and surrounded by enemies than be led to think I am surrounded by friends.

I'm dead serious. You better think about it.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Never Enough Norwescon News Department

I know a few readers of this blog attend the Norwescon sci-fi/fantasy convention--enough that we could've had an impromptu if cozy get-together if we went against our burly, gnarly grains and, you know, organized.

But if you needed an excuse to attend Norwescon--I have one.

I'm proud to announce that there will be a SubGenius panel at Norwescon 33, headed up by yours truly.

I'm working on all the little details right now, and I'll give date and time once that's more firm, as well as a list of panelists.

This won't be exactly like a SubGenius devival, although I'm sure a certain amount of ranting and insanity will be par for the course. But since it is a panel, we will expect and demand audience participation, which aught to make things even more rantilicious and insanitable. (...Um, yeah. That.)

Hoping to see you there!