Never Enough Conservative Necromancy Department

I don't believe in magick in terms of it affecting the physical world in any direct way. You can make changes in your own consciousness through magick, but changing lead to gold, or causing Ralph Reed to spontaneously combust, just ain't gonna happen. I know, I've tried.

That's a shame, too, because I'm sorely tempted to perform necromancy on Barry Goldwater. Yes, he's a conservative. Yes, he was borderline racist. Yes, he was opposed to any attempts by government to create a more equal society. But, more to the point, he was staunchly against using the military for "regime change", deeply distrustful of the religious right, and wary of giving political power to big business. In short, he'd be livid to see what his party, and the movement that claimed him as its figurehead, has done in the past few years.

Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice," Goldwater said. And what could be more extreme than bringing the dead back to life, seeking revenge? Plus, you must admit, Zombie Barry would be a delight to watch. The only downside is if, following the stereotype, he craves human brains. Even after he was done with both houses of Congress, he'd be starving, and probably a little nauseated to boot.