Never Enough Conquer-And-Divide Tactics Department

So if the US invades Iraq, the US will indefinitely rule the country, although the rhetoric consistently claims democratization as a goal. What about the Turkish and Iranian troops already in Northern Iraq?

Never Enough Alternatives Department

Better World Club is a service that, like AAA, offers emergency roadside assistance, travel services, and trip insurance. Unlike AAA, they use 1% of their annual revenues to help fund environmental clean-up projects; they encourage the use of hybrid cars; they also offer bicycle roadside assistance; and they don't use their money for lobbying against pro-environment legislation. Tom Magliozzi of Car Talk has already joined, and they make it easy for any AAA member to switch. So give it a look, and see if this eco-friendly alternative to AAA is right for you.

Never Enough Emergency Preparedness Department

If you thought the duct tape was bad enough, compare this parody site with the ready.gov site it mocks, then ask yourself: Which is actually funnier?

Never Enough Endless Rebuttals Department

This is sure to be a hit with all your right-wing friends. Just remind them--it's only a bunch of Swedes playing with their heads, it's only a bunch of Swedes playing with their heads, it's only a bunch of Swedes playign with their heads....

Never Enough Endless Love Department

It was only a matter of time before someone thought to do this, but as it turned out, the Swedes did it first. Dubya and Blair never sounded so good!

You might have a little trouble with rebuffering the RealMedia, but as every site that hosts the QuickTime version seems to yank it quickly when the hits come, all I can say is: BE PATIENT. It's worth the wait.

Never Enough Molly Ivins Department

Shame on me for not putting Molly Ivins' column in the News section. This will get rectified as soon as blogger.com can load template files without crapping itself.

For the unaware, Molly Ivins is a redheaded Amazon of a Texan who comes from that long line of Texas Democrats who think that the Party should still, goddamn it, be progressively-minded, and not simply act like Republican Lite. In addition, she does not hesitate to call politicians on bullshit, no matter the party line. Most importantly, she's hilarious, with stories about "The Lege" (the Texas Legislature) that make WWF look like finger puppets wielded by seven year olds with speech impediments. Of course, your state legislature is probably no better, but you don't have a Molly Ivins reporting on the buffoonery.

I strongly recommend reading her most recent articles, followed by the Funny Times archive. Her books are good reads as well, but nowhere as topical by virtue of being largely pre-Dubya. Buy them anyhow.

As I'm proud to point out, not allTexans are insane, stupid, shallow, benighted, narrow-visioned bastards. Only the ones that get into the Lege--and the ones that vote 'em in. And then, then there's Molly. Ah, Molly....

Never Enough Travelogues Department

Last week my stepson Becklin was out of school for Mid-Winter Break and so Thea thought this would be a good time for us to take a little roadtrip up into the Cascades and see the sights. As I wrote to my friend Ken regarding the trip:

*****

Thea had this idea that, since we would get a late start, we should just spend the night in Issaquah, then head to Ellensburg and visit Roslyn along the way. Issaquah was kinda retched--dinner was at this BBQ joint that's a mockery of proper God-ordained Texas Barbecue. The hotel was tiny, puny, had no tub, beds fit for midgets, and an exhaust vent that constantly leaked condensation the whole night. We had a bit of a nervous breakdown around 4 AM because the news was threatening up to two feet of snow up in the passes--but it sounded to me like most of that would be up in Stevens Pass, not around Snoqualmie Pass, where we'd be passing through.

Still, we had Krispy Kremes and each other, and by morning Thea was feeling a lot more optimistic about the trip. So we pushed on and stopped in Roslyn. (Thea's a fan of *Northen Exposure* so for her it was a pilgrimage.) Then on to Ellensburg for a HOT bath and cable TV, both luxuries we don't have at home. All in all it was more like a road trip than anything else, but the view was gorgeous and after the Issaquah Incident things were very pleasant indeed.

FWIW, if you find yourself in Ellensburg, don't eat at Grant's Pizza. Their menu sounds good but the food is less than impressive. Bisquik pizza crust is dag nasty, especially when burned on the bottom and not even folded over a dozen times or so. The Super-1 Grocery has better pizza in their deli--better than Pizza Hut if you ask me--and it's very inexpensive. A slice and a soda puts you back a whopping two bucks. Just make sure you have extra napkins, or better yet, Wet Wipes.

We'll probably go back this summer for a bit, if only because Ellensburg is home to Central Washington University, which has ASL-speaking chimpanzees. Thea knows ASL, so with luck maybe she can talk to the chimps. I want to use her as an interpreter and ask them what they REALLY think of humans. "Tell 'em, 'It's OK, we're on your side, honest.'"

*****

Ken's reply said, "Chuckie Chimp say: "I heard THAT one before!"

And yes, Becklin was with us and enjoyed the trip too. Thought I'd mention that since I seemed to neglect mentioning it above.

Never Enough Explanatory Diagrams Department

If the below argument doesn't make sense to someone, maybe this helpful illustration will clarify the situation in their minds.

Never Enough Bullshit Checking Department

Next time you have to deal with someone who is for war on Iraq and starts talking about how bad Saddam Hussein is, gently remind them that most of the leaders of the Middle East should be removed for the same reasons--and yet Dubya isn't declaring war on the Middle East. (Not out loud, anyhow.) Point out that 41 members of the President's administration, including Dubya, Cheney, and Rice, have ties to the oil industry. Explain how Iraq controls 11% of the world's oil supply. Then, tell 'em that unless they want people to die just to fatten this country on more foreign oil, they should support the opposition against war.

That simple, really.

Never Enough Paranoia Inducements Department

Speaking of paranoid delusions, why don't you have a little fun with the Conspiratron while you still have the freedom to do so?

Never Enough Self-Assurances Department

I'm glad that I'm not paranoid. Otherwise, I'd be wondering what the Zionist British Masonic Skull-And-Bones Trilateralist Satanic Communist Mafia Venusian Conspiracy was doing, trying to start a war with millions worldwide vocally opposed. But since I'm convinced that the Zionist British Masonic Skull-And-Bones Trilateralist Satanic Communist Mafia Venusian Conspiracy has no idea what they are doing, I can't be paranoid at all. Right?

Never Enough Returning Webcomics Department

Despite MS-SQL worms....

Despite Keenspace server crashes....

Despite irretrievably lost backups....

PURPLE PUSSY RETURNS,

You may now rejoice.

Never Enough Birthdays Department

Joy--I turned 33 this morning! And it has been a pretty good birthday all in all. I started celebrating Wednesday night, inviting friends to have Ethiopian food with me. Ah, how tasty it all is--spicy, but in a different way than most cultures' idea of "spicy." I enjoyed my favorite Ethiopian dish, kitfo, which is like steak tartare only that the beef is mixed with a butter sauce laden with cardamom, ginger, and chili powder. Everyone else had this sampler platter which had a bottom layer of injera (sour crepe-like bread) with a bit of everything on top--wat (spicy stews of different kinds of meat), tibs (not so spicy sauteed meat chunks), lentils, gomen (collards), homemade cottage cheese, with generous servings of injera on the side from which we tore pieces, laid them upon each morsel, pinched up the morsel and the injera together, and then savored the combination. Thea, who had never had Ethiopian food before, didn't care for the kitfo so much, but otherwise said that she'd be open to Ethiopian food any time I wanted. Many others were having their first experience there as well and enjoyed it thoroughly. We also shared a bottle of Ethiopian honey wine, which is different from mead in that it is brewed with hops and has a slight amount of bubbles, giving it a drier taste that met with much approval. I still have left-overs from the restaurant, by the way, mostly injera sopped in the juices from the platter. I've found that scrambled eggs go well with those leftovers. Mmmmmmmmmm...!

Yesterday Thea and I went to the mall, where I got my ears pierced for the first time. It hurt far less than I expected, although I didn't like it when the plastic bracket holding the left stud didn't release at first. I wasn't aware that they actually have piercing studs to simplify the process and make it much more convenient and safe. As is there's no pain at all, only a faint awareness of the new weight on my ears. By the first day of Spring I will be able to swap these studs out (14K white gold) for a pair even better suited to me, which I'll have to wear for the next six months until the holes heal permanently open. But that's OK, as I'm really happy to have my first body mod. Next--a tattoo of my sigil!

Afterwards I joined Thea as she was finishing her Aqua Massage. It really helps her with her endo, and it simply feels divine. If we were rich, we'd own a unit. At any rate, afterwards we went to Marie Callender's for lunch, followed by a trip to Silver Platters, which has to be one of the best CD stores in the Seattle area. They are one of the few with a consistently good, eclectic selection--including and especially metal but including lots of classical and bluegrass, two of Thea's favorites. I found a copy of Arcturus' The Sham Mirrors, which I probably should've bought a year ago except I've been trying not to go gaga over CDs while unemployed. I didn't bother looking further; I knew that, if I found that Arcturus CD there, I'd find much more that I craved, and I didn't want to whine over what I could've got. As is, I'm very happy to have this CD. Thea bought the Bitch And Animal CD Eternally Hard, which she had been wanting for months. Bitch And Animal are a duet of lesbian genderfucking musicians who throw a lot of diverse elements together--hip-hop, punk, folk, etc.--to make a very catchy, raunchy mix. Despite myself, I think they're a lot of fun, and I'm glad Thea got that CD.

Today? Today I've been chatting with some of my former co-workers, washing dishes, and settling into being thirty-three. No plans, no presents, just a bit of peace, quiet, and domestic tranquility. Hope things go at least as well for those reading!