Never Enough Recording Industry Heat Department

Plaintiffs Sought Timeout After Turn in Napster Case

According to transcripts made public today, the judge in the case said on Jan. 16 that she intended to grant a request by Napster to explore whether the record companies might have colluded to prevent Napster and other online music competitors from licensing music to sell on the Internet. The judge, Marilyn Patel of the Federal District Court in Northern California, also said she would allow Napster to explore whether the record companies might not control all the copyrights they claimed to own.

...In other words, there's a big question about whether the record companies can even CLAIM exclusive copyright protection for Internet-distributed music, and their attempts to create alternate venues for online music may prove anti-competitive, thus turning the attention from Napster's "piracy" towards the record company's attempts to stifle competition and innovation. To try to avoid this, the big record companies put their lawsuit against Napster on hold. The joke is on them. HA.

Never Enough Thermal Protection Department

Today's Space.com has a great story on a new system for protecting spacecraft from the blazing heat of re-entry. Called ARMOR after its qualities, it is an Adaptable, Robust, Metallic (and thus cheaper to make than the high-tech ceramic tiles on the Space Shuttle fleet), Operable, and Reuseable system that promises to make space travel more common-place by making it safe at a lower cost.

Research like this is leading the way towards the day when space travel is more commonplace--a day I've been eagerly awaiting for years and years. YAY ME.

Never Enough Stuff To Sell Department

The Fools' Press SuperSquirt Slack Stuff Store is up and fully functional, linking all six of my Fools' Press stores together under one URL. ALSO, since you can shop at multiple CafePress.com stores with one shopping cart, there are links to the new SubGenius Foundation store as well as Dr. Legume's Bazaar Of The Bizarre. Now you have no excuse not to give us ALL money.

Also note that, when I can afford the screen costs, I'll be adding black t-shirts to the selection. (Let me know which designs you prefer in black!)

Never Enough Cold Facts Department

From today's New York Times:

A final Enron Lesson: When business and politics meet, Kenny Boy, it's not a relationship, it's a transaction.

Oooooh.

Never Enough Porn Movie Epiphanies Department

Annie Sprinkle quit porn to become a performance artist. Cosey Fanni Tucci goes from performance art to porn. They should film a lesbian sex scene together some day.

Except--Annie still has her naughty pics up, whereas Cosey just took hers down. I guess bandwidth was a serious problem. Hmmph.

Never Enough Monster Movie Economics Department

AOL in Negotiations to Acquire Red Hat (washingtonpost.com)

To counter Microsoft's desktop hegemony, New York-based AOL Time Warner could use the deal to couple its America Online software, the market leader with more than 33 million Internet subscribers, with Red Hat's operating-system technology, sources said.

The AOL online software, which consumers can install free from the Web or a compact disk, is now designed to run on Microsoft's Windows operating system. But the AOL software could be configured to override Windows and launch a version of Red Hat's Linux operating system, sources said.

...Launch it off what, the CD-ROM? If so... welcome to The Linux That Crawled.

Never Enough New Devil's Dictionary Entries Department

-ism, suffix, used to connotate intellectualized neurosis.

Never Enough Stupid Web Gimmicks Department

Bear in mind, being "stupid" isn't a handicap in my book. "In the heart of every genius lurks a tard yearning to be free," and all that. And besides, I have seen far, far worse wastes of time than Leon's Random Comic Strip Generator.

It'd be especially good if someone with artistic talent would draw a few characters to replace the crappy ones they have now. Since you can contribute, why not?

Never Enough Screwed Up Band Names Department

Based off Mega's Metal List

3D House Of Beef
Acid Mud Flower
Beanflipper
Betrayed Petroleum
Bitchcock
Bozeman's Simplex
Brothering
Candy Striper Death Orgy
Chagrin Devout
Cumchrist
Dick Delicious & The Tasty Testicles
Dissolving of Prodigy
Explosive Rage Disorder
Functional Idiots
Hellboozer Union
JellyNutz Syndicate
John Wayne Transplant
Lollypop Must Kill
The Lord Weird Slough Feg
Masticated Entrails
MungBeanDemon
My Habits People
My Minds Mine
Nauseous Surgery
Nice To Meat You
Northwood Ice Pentagrams
Overmars
Pickles & Douche
Pissing Razors
Pseudo-Plotinos & The Total Hero Worship
Purple Fog Side
Science & Horror
Second Shave
Silent Scream Of Godless Elegy
The Sleepfarmers
Slightly Miffed
Snailbooster
Something Shiva
Testicle Bomb
Twelve After Elf
Wineshower
Zimmers Hole

Never Enough Fetish/Industrial Auctions Department

For those interested in fetish clothing, industrial/gothic videos, and other curios, please check out my GothicAuctions.com member page. The current auction listings are at the bottom of the page. Check 'em out and have fun!

Never Enough Anti-Mac Dumbasses Department

Today's New York Times features a Yale computer science professor, David Gelernter, who criticizes Apple for not being innovative enough, ignoring the general conservativism of PC manufacturers (is that a FLOPPY I see in that beige box? Aw, how quaint!) and giving charge simply because Steve Jobs is probably the only guy in the industry with the guts to break ranks with that conservativism. Therefore, if this guy's computer revolution doesn't happen, it's Steve's fault.

Gelernter has moxie--he advocates getting rid of the mouse but wants a place to hang up the keyboard when he's not using it. I question his hanging onto this particular technology for computer input. The keyboard layout most of us use today is over 100 years old and was designed to slow down fingers and thus avoid mechanical jams. The Dvorak keyboard is an improvement, yes, but I've always considered the keyboard to be the clumsiest part of a computer setup, even more so than the limited mouse. Even chording keyboards, with astonishing improvements in efficiency and a potentially small footprint, still has a footprint.

Which leads to the bigger problem: We inevitably dedicate a piece of furniture--several pieces in fact--to computers. True, like most desks it invites its own clutter, much of it frivolous, but not before large swaths of surface are claimed for monitors, keyboards, and media--and, unless it's on the ground, the CPU itself.

This is the ultimate problem with computers as they exist today: They occupy space that could be used in more effective ways. Computers are not furniture, Gelernter says, even as he insists on a place to hang his keyboard. I have learned how to navigate around my computer desk and chair at night, but why should I have to accommodate furniture in the first place?

What we want are talking computers that can understand when we're giving it an order and can execute it without much fumbling on the user's end. We want a data jukebox that can be kept out of sight, out of mind, with redundant copies made on the fly so backups aren't so pressing. (Let's face it, most of us take our cars in for a simple oil change, but we're expected to schedule in time to swap media back and forth for a few hours once a month or so.) Have the CPU blend in entirely with the furniture; waterproof it so you could put a planter on it. Make it ubiquitous and invisible, and failing that, at least camouflage it better. Network it with flat-panel screens in each room, so when it must use a monitor, it can simply cut in, display, and then return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

While technology advances have been made in many key areas, we're still a ways off from a computer that can interact meaningfully with a person without some training. That's the remaining barrier to this true computer revolution. Until then, all anyone seems able to suggest is, get a desk and pull a chair up.

Never Enough News Double-Takes Department

From today's New York Times:

Hezbollah, he said, could simply unload the weapons dockside in Beirut, Lebanon, without the elaborate subterfuge of the submersible containers, which were joined to tanks of oxygen and ballast to keep them floating a few feet beneath the surface.

In a sign of the smugglers' sophistication, 80 such 8-foot-long containers were found, the Israelis said, each already packed with its deadly cargo. Large objects, like mortar launchers, had been neatly cut up to fit; once ashore, the parts would be welded back together, Israeli officials said.

A few thoughts on this matter:

1) How were they getting the ballasts back? They sound expensive to me, maybe as much as the arms shipment itself.

2) WELD together a MORTAR LAUNCHER?!? What the Hel? They may as well be making Saturday Night Specials over there. You rip off some pipe from the Israeli settlers and... oh, but that would be telling. Either way, you're left with a dangerous weapon that could misfire on you. True, mortars don't work exactly like bullets, but a weakened weapon is always dangerous.

Needless to say, something funny is going on.

Never Enough Sleep Department

Well, that's not entirely true--I stayed up all night two nights ago and slept like a baby the next night, so I felt great today. But it certainly SEEMS like I haven't been able to get enough sleep for the past month. I guess I was getting caught up on all the sleep I didn't get while I was working. Having so many holidays packed into one month didn't help either. (A belated Happy ChaYulKwaMas to you all, by the way.)

Of course, just writing this has got me yawning, so I think I'll go to bed soon.

Oh, an update about the name change. I now have my Social Security card and have begun to contact my former employers and my university to get them to update their records. Next, I will send out resumes with my new name, followed by contacting all my creditors, the IRS, and whoever else is still using the old, accursed name in their files. Eventually I'll get them all. Eventually. For now, sleep is good.