Never Enough Stupid Fiscal Policy Department

It's official--under Dubya and a predominantly Republican Congress, the projected federal deficit for 2003 is expected to exceed $455 billion dollars. This projection, provided by the White House itself, excludes the cost of war and reconstruction for Iraq, and is not a final figure by any stretch. Indeed, the initial projection for this year's deficit was a little over $300 billion. So most likely, the deficit will reach well over half a trillion dollars before the year is out.

Next time I hear any Republican talk about "tax-and-spend Democrats", I'm gonna smack him hard. And I don't even consider myself a Democrat.

Never Enough Wiretaps Department

Great news! The feds will be wiretapping phone lines for only FOUR YEARS! Just what our Executive Branch needs, a good earful of exactly how banal, stupid, vain, and plain pitiful we Americans really can be when not occupied with a Great Purpose.

Just to be safe, from this point onwards, four years straight, I shall begin and end any phone call with a rousing rendition of "Shut Your Fucking Face Uncle Fucker". You can't be too cautious.