Never Enough Face Recognition Fun Department

Now that the place is a few inches closer to the move, I felt that a bit of late-night Internet goofing was in order. Noticing a face-morph widget on a friend's Myspace profile, I went to the site to find that MyHeritage.com had integrated into their genealogy tools a face recognition engine that can compare your image to others' in order to find distant relatives. While I can see the value of it in terms of family branches you suspect are related but wish to confirm, it's clear they are trying to drive traffic by letting you compare your own face to those of celebrities. Now, I don't exactly need to be validated by such a comparison, but I had to wonder what would happen if I used various different styles of my pictures to see what results I get.

First, a bit of goofy cheesecake I made back when I was experimenting with such things:



I'm duly flattered to be compared to Christina Ricci and Demi Moore--I don't know the others offhand--but I'd let Jason Biggs play me in the movies. He's gotta grow that hair out, though, and gain about 100 pounds, and wax. A lot.

Ah, but what if I'm in a darkly lit room, looking up at the camera, with wires running off my head, eh?



Seems that wires and poor lightning make me look like a mentalist self-help guru, or an actor that would be well cast playing such. Also, without makeup and with wires on my head I suddenly look kinda like Natalie Merchant. Interesting.

But is it as interesting as my most popular Flickr photo--not interesting because of how pretty I was, but on how horrifying UGLY I managed to make myself look:



I am deeply honored that, while making this intentionally screwed-up face in the name of comedy, I would therefore be compared most solidly with Peter Sellers. I could cry.

Never Enough Holiday Moves Department

Less than a week after the break-in, Seattle received heavy flood rains. Particularly heavy rains. And as it turns out, even after steps taken to waterproof the roof, there's still enough enough water getting through to cause a fairly dramatic display--bowed ceiling, followed by immediate evacuation of my family and overnight collapse of the ceiling. Needless to say, we are moving.

I will post links to Cyn's MySpace blog later so you can read her side of the story. She has temporarily relocated to Columbus while I prepare for the move and one of our future roommates spearheads the finding of a house. The upshot is, I should be signing a lease tomorrow for a HUGE house that actually looks like it'll be an awesome place to live. And Cynthia will be returning shortly after January 1.

Wish me luck with the packing and moving! And, have a Frappy Xistlessnessmass, Good Y'all, Happy Hacanuckah, Bereftivus For What's Left Of Us, and Joyous Last Gasp Of Consumerism Month!

One Too Many Burglaries Department

My house was broken into today, while everyone was gone. They trashed the place, and took Becklin's Dual Core iMac, guitar, and game systems; Cyn's DVD players and medications; and my G4 with years of creative output--complete and otherwise.

I don't know when we'll be able to replace the computers or the game systems. The guitar is a bit pricey but not entirely out of our reach. DVD players are cheap. But I'm still coming to terms with how much art, music, and writing is now gone. The silver lining is that, thanks to the Internet, the stuff I considered complete is out there. I never thought I'd be so thankful for decentralized computing.

But Becklin had just learned the Dethklok theme! That might not seem like a big deal to some, but considering where he was a year ago, he's come a long way. If I can find a way, I really want to replace that. But he needs a computer as much as I do--and his schoolwork, videos he's filmed, music, and his own creative writing and art are gone, too.

Cyn loves movies the way I love black metal, and so the loss of DVD viewing--and the freshly purchased copy of The Shining in the player--will be a dent in her life. Oddly enough, no other movies were taken. The medications are nothing that anyone can get high on--in fact, the dumbass that tries will wind up in the ER if they don't have the conditions she does. Plus, while we did have to buy new prescriptions for her, our insurance was willing to cover their share , and her medications are fairly inexpensive.

No, her burden is that she blames herself, as she was not home with her car in the driveway. And while I can love her and try to comfort her, she hurts the worst of us all.

Dobbs, this would be a damn good time to make good on some of your better promises.

Update: Cyn's own thoughts on the matter.

Never Enough Goat Heads Department

Of course, this is my idea of a goat head....

Do check out all of Lerlene Earlene's Taxifurry goodness!

Update: Video footage of Lerlene's Taxifurry at America's Largest Christmas Bazaar (!) operating under the name of the Wacky Tacky Factory, available at http://www.kpdx.com/

Never Enough Good SubGenius Articles Department

What starts out as a dry opening complete with gender confusion turns out to be a very good, up-to-date review of what the Church of the SubGenius. Do check it out: Guernica / Are You Abnormal?

Never Enough TV Interviews Department

I was interviewed for a segment on the Church of the SubGenius (in the greater context of a mysterious sign that reads, "CALL BOB", in Tacoma) for a university TV faux news show. Click here to view it on Google Video.

SubGenius portion starts @ 1:36
Actual interview starts @ 2:54

Never Enough Morning Homeless Nudity Department

The traffic on I-520 running south of the University of Washington is usually a little busy, with commuters from all points of Seattle converging on one of the main highways running into Bellevue, where a lot of banks and other financial institutions keep their offices. The drivers were busy focusing on the road, jockeying for position if only so they can get to their offices a few seconds earlier. The buses were filled with others who were lost in their MP3 players' output, or in the book or newspaper they brought with them, or otherwise simply trying to avoid any contact with their fellow travelers.

Therefore, I was the only one who noticed, as we drove past the lakeshore park just outside the 520 bridge, the naked man stretching at the edge of the lake.

I presume he was homeless, or else eccentric; he seemed to be fit of limb and to be middle-aged at best, with a pot-belly and dark curly hair. Nor did he seem particularly unkempt. But there he was, stretching and looking outwards at the commuters too busy to see him. With the fullness of the rising sun upon him, it was actually kinda glorious. It also seemed, in a sense, an act of defiance against those who had woken up two hours before, rushing about and forcing down caffeine so they can make it to their daily soul-crushing routine. It made me smile--it was nearly magical.

How many people secretly wish they had that much freedom, but lack the courage to face life without the "necessities" that society insists we depend upon!

Never Enough Portentious Devival News

The Final SubGenius Devivals of Seattle (1998-2000) were legendary, yet far from a myth. And legends, like zombies and bad fashion choices, sometimes refuse to die.

Seattle SubGenius Union of Clenches and Crackpots (SSUCC) is proud to announce:

THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY
FINAL SUBGENIUS DEVIVAL

... Now with 50% EXTRA DEPRAVITY!!!

Spring 2008--Seattle, WA--Details To Be Announced

Despite an abject failure to be Ruptured on July 5 for ten years running, The Church of the SubGenius remains headstrong in their belief in even the most intentionally absurd dogmas. Seattle once again must repent for its nouveau po-mo boho-a-gogo MO-FOs, and we have been licensed by the very Stark Fist of Removal to make this city beg for Slack.

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ARE YOU READY AND WILLING?
-- OR RED-EYED AND WAILING!?
... It's YOURS to decide!

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Never Enough Server Changes Department

Money's so tight that I have forfeited my long-standing domain, foolspress.com, as well as the web server that was hosting it. Appy polly loggies to anyone who missed my presence.

Never Enough Ironic T-Shirts Department

Seen last Friday: While waiting for my bus to show, I witnessed an overweight kid--early teens, I would guess, if not younger--run right across Lake City Way during rush hour traffic. (Bear in mind that Lake City Way is a state highway.) He barely managed to avoid being hit, and returned to his friends at my bus stop, presumably waiting for the school bus. And that's when I noticed his t-shirt:

"The only exercise I get is in just pressing my luck."

No, really.